[ Yeah, he's thought about that. He's not sure how he would feel about Dad being stuck with them in this sex-driven city, aside from awkward, but he'd be lying if he said he wouldn't be glad as hell to see him. They would all drive each other insane, just like they always did, obviously. He'd still take it.
He shakes his head at his brother, not exactly arguing, not exactly agreeing. Amelia didn't dump him either. He's the one who left. It wasn't just about her husband, not really, but he's been thinking about those reasons and how many of them are still relevant. Or that should be. ]
I know. She... just wants things to go back to normal now, I guess.
[ He makes a slightly unsteady grab for the bottle of whiskey, focusing harder than necessary to pour more into his glass. He can feel Dean's eyes on him, but he's not returning the look. ]
That's one way to put it.
[ It's a well past 'like' at this point, and Sam knows it. ]
[ So, Sam's spoken to her about it, and that was his answer. Ouch. Or, is he assuming? He's a smart ki -- No, kid can't be used for him, not any longer. He's smart, but he can also be stupid about relationships. It's why Dean took it on him to help his little brother out.
But now? Now this is more complicated. ]
Yeah? You talked to her about it already? Cause Emma, she gets a say in this, too. Normal's not gonna happen here, not for any of us. [ It isn't that he doesn't get wanting a piece of what was, but Duplicity isn't known for offering that to its citizens. ] You get all caught up in that head of yours, makin' decisions for her, you're just goin' to miss out on somethin' she still might want to give.
[ Dean doesn't even mean sex. He's not the lustful idiot he once played. There's a lot more to a loving relationship than what happens between the sheets. ]
[ Confusion furrows Sam's brows, but he finishes his drink of whiskey before frowning over at his brother. It's hard to argue with the overall gist of it, he's not at all surprised that Dean could hit the nail on the head like this, though that's something they just went through. He hadn't mentioned any of that conversation to anyone else, but it's like Dean was there.
Of course it's not like these tendencies are news to him. He knows how easily his little brother gets caught up in overthinking everything. And in thinking that he knows better than everyone else. But that's not what he's doing this time. ]
It's not like that. She knows I'm here for her, she knows and I told her that, but she doesn't want me getting all clingy. That's why I'm here and not over there with her.
[ He gestures toward Dean with the hand holding his glass, barely avoiding spilling it. ]
And before you say anything, I'm fine. She wants space, I get it.
[ It's a humorless laugh. They don't even really pretend to believe the word anymore. When one of them uses that specific phrase, it's actually code for 'I'm shitty, but what are you going to do?' They had faced a lot of situations in which words couldn't sooth the wounds so can anyone really blame them for wanting to keep things inside?
It sucks. Sam losing Emma. He knows it likely seems like everyone Sam loves either leaves or gets taken from him. Hell, maybe it's the curse of the hunter.
Dean takes another drink himself. ]
I guess I don't really know her. When she's here, you two are pretty much connected like you're tryin' to be some kind of gross blob thing. But yeah, it's probably a bitch for her, too. I think you're right. She just needs time. But you're already decidin' you're the loser. Dude, you're a Winchester.
[ Grinning, he wiggles his eyebrows playfully and takes another drink. ]
[ Yeah, 'fine.' It's ceased to mean anything like it's supposed to between the two of them, and honestly Sam can't be bothered to pretend otherwise right now. Emma's suffering, likely finding some way to distract herself right now. He could call her, he always does before the night is out anyway, but usually not this early. She's probably busy. It's easier not to know for sure.
Dean pulls him from those thoughts and it finally occurs to him, very belatedly, that this is exactly what that looks like. And yeah, he would have to admit that he's probably guilty of thinking too much about how this could end up changing things for them, but it's not like that.
Even if it would be pretty damn amusing to hear Dean build him up like he's a 'catch.' ]
Really, man? Since when?
[ He's shaking his head as he sinks back against the couch, but at least it got a smile out of him for a second. ]
Things have been pretty good lately, aside this guy showing up, anyway. She seems happy. Maybe I shouldn't be trying to rock the boat.
See, you're doin' it again. Dude, overthinkin' doesn't help anybody; not you, not her. Emma's a grown woman so stop treatin' her like she can't make this call. Give her time, give her space, but don't pretend like you're some kinda mind reader. I've seen you in action, and your game would be way better if you could read minds.
[ It's a quick change from calling him a catch, but Dean can't get too sappy on him. There's some kind of rule in the sibling's playbook. ]
And turn off your device before you end up drunk dialin' her and embarrassin' both of us. [ Dean would get some second-hand embarrassment. ] You're too drink to be tryin' anything tonight. Might as well make the hangover worth it and try again when you're not dancin' with Dr. Whiskey.
[ Not what, about her? It is, just not like Dean's implying. He knows she'll work herself out, and there's no reason to feel like she's shutting him out in the process. She wants a distraction, he has distractions of his own, he's not judging. His personal dilemma hasn't really changed at all. The only thing that's different now is that he has unplanned time to stew on it.
It's hard to give up the urge to argue, but whether or not he could steer it around to what's really bugging him, it wouldn't help. Dean couldn't possibly have any easy answers for him, so what's the point in giving him more things to worry about?
He snorts over the drunk dialing comment, taking another drink of his whiskey and pulling said device out of his pocket. ]
I'm not calling her right now. [ But he's defiantly refusing to turn it off anyway, rolling his eyes at Dean as he flicks through a few of the most recent notifications. ] Maybe I should call somebody who's not gonna just lecture me on how I think too much.
[ Honestly he likes having Dean's company, but that won't stop him from being contrary. Where would they be without pointless drunk arguments? ]
Good luck with that. Don't think there's anybody who wouldn't see you think too much.
[ Dean's eyes flickered toward the phone, assuring he wasn't actually calling Emma. Sam might be confident in the drunk version of himself, but Dean wasn't. Drunk people were often honest, too honest, and said thinks that their sober selves often regretted. By keeping an eye on Sam, Dean was doing him a favor. ]
You hungry?
[ When Dean fails to see him actually dialing any particular number, he pushes himself off the couch and heads for the kitchen. ]
[ At first the way Sam's poking through his phone is more out of a petulant defiance, almost daring Dean to try to take it away from him, but once he's not being closely scrutinized, he turns to the texts and starts tapping more methodically at the screen. It's not to Emma, though, he's not going to text her while he's a drunk mess like this. She'll call later. She always does.
In the meantime it's not as if he's going anywhere, and texting seems like a fantastic way to pass the time, though whether or not it'll pull him out of his sullen mood is another question.
Food sounds even better. ]
Yeah, sure.
[ He knows he shouldn't, but he pours himself another glass of whiskey anyway. He doesn't plan on sobering up too soon. ]
I don't need a babysitter. [ He calls back toward the kitchen rather than trying to push himself up from the couch. ] If you've got plans, don't let me ruin 'em.
Maybe you do a babysitter, but it ain't me. If you're goin' with the babysitter idea, good on you, but I'm leavin' when she shows up.
[ A joke as he pulls out the ingredients for the simple meal. This really is more of a hangover dish, but Dean needs something to distract Sam.
Turning the stove on to heat, he looks back toward the living room, if only to keep talking while he idly does the tasks that require less concentration. ]
'Course I got plans. I always got plans. But I can change 'em. A good drink, a hot grilled cheese, that's a plan, too.
[ It should feel familiar, cooking a quick bite of food while Sam sits in another room. As children, it was easy dishes, but he offered something better here and there as adults. But it doesn't feel the same. Normally, Sam isn't as drunk. ]
[ Sam snorts, looking up from his phone. He has a glass of whiskey, but he's mostly just holding onto it rather than actually drinking it. He knows he's skirting the line of how much he can have before he just passes out entirely, and he's not ready to turn in and wait for the hangover to hit him just yet. And eating something should help alleviate some of the inevitable pain. ]
If I'm gettin' a babysitter, I'm going over to her place.
[ Dean's probably noticed that Sam doesn't invite people over for anything other than platonic terms, aside from Emma. It does help cut down on the awkward situations they run into here, but he's gotten a lot less awkward about it in general. If Dean wants to bring someone in while he's here, he doesn't care. It's a big apartment, and the walls are notably not at all thin.
He's gotten used to a lot of things he never thought he would have to deal with. ]
Believe it or not, Sam, I don't just go around knockin' on doors, and go in for sex with whoever answers.
[ Dean doesn't plan as much as Sam in their fighting life - there are a few he's been proud of - but when it comes to relationships, he can make plans for the next day, just like the rest of them. ]
This part of your plan? Eatin' grilled cheese and hopin' your head's not gonna explode in the mornin'? It will. The hangover is gonna suck.
[ And Sam knows. Boyscout he can be, Sam has had run ins with alcohol before.
The sound of something frying wafts through the apartment as he finally adds the sandwich to the pan. ]
[ Said in deeply condescending tones, as if it's an incredibly immature assumption to make. Around here it really isn't. Sex is rarely the last implication on anyone's mind. Right now it's nothing but an annoyance that Sam doesn't want to be reminded of. If the city wasn't so hellbent on making it such a constant - and central - thing he wouldn't be dealing with half as many problems as he currently has. ]
I know it is.
[ He's resigned to the hangover. He'll chug as much water as he can stand before he finally passes out, but nothing would stop the inevitable. He'll probably wish he could die in the morning, but of course he'd never be granted anything so easily. ]
But I'm hungry.
[ One grilled cheese definitely won't do it. If that's all Dean's planning on, he'll just ransack the kitchen for more things to eat that don't require cooking. ]
What kinda plans are you even talkin' about? Movies? Takin' them to the spring dance? Look around, Sam. This place don't really give you the fancy options.
[ But he does spend time with girls that don't involve sex. He and Raven went swimming once. He taught her how to swim. She was nearly naked and he was still a good boy. So, he pats his own back. ]
Food's not done and you're already complainin'? It's not like we really stock up in here. [ Maybe they should buy more groceries. He'd found a certain pride in it when they'd first arrived at the bunker, but there's not a lot of pride to be found in Duplicity. ]
I'll make you more than one, but don't blame me if you lose all of it tonight. And you're cleanin' it up.
I was thinking about back when we used to be hunters.
[ He almost regrets admitting it the moment the words leave his mouth, even if it's not meant as an irritable barb aimed at his brother. In the contrary, it's a bitter sentiment that's equally applicable to both of them, and one that is at least a significant part of why Sam's gotten so deep into the whiskey this evening. He doesn't want to drag Dean into depression right along with him.
It was one thing back when Dean had Lisa and Ben, and maybe even that wouldn't have lasted had it been given a real chance. Sam would like to think that it is, but in what life are they ever going to stay out of hunting for good? But here they have been. They haven't had a single reason to break out Dad's old journal except for nostalgia, and if it's proven anything to him it's that he really can't go back to the kind of life he wanted when he was a kid.
Sure, this place is fucked up, but in as many ways as it's chaos, there are more days when he's working nine to five, and it feels eerily like the short stint he had in tech support thanks to Zacariah. ]
I'm not gonna get sick.
[ Not today anyway. But he's aware that any hangover symptoms will be all his to deal with. ]
Sammy, we're still hunters. Maybe there's nothin' takin' bites outta people's necks around here, but the hunter, that don't just leave. Ever.
[ Which could be good or bad, depending on your view. Once, Dean hoped it never would. During another part of his life, he wished it would. Now? He doesn't know. Probably, he's accepted this as his life and works to find pleasure in it.
Not in this city. This city has to go down. ]
Oh, Dude, you're gonna be so sick, and you're all in charge of cleanin' it up so enjoy tonight. Mornin's a bitch.
[ The smell of butter and cooking cheese soon flows from the kitchen to contaminate the living room. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ That doesn't make Sam worry anymore, Dean knows that. Because that's what this is about: he doesn't want to lose Emma. ]
Just because somebody else showed up don't mean she's gonna be dumpin' you. You're her 'somethin', too.
[ Dean takes the first drink, of the night, from his own glass, but all of his attention stays on Sam. ]
You like her, don't you?
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[ Yeah, he's thought about that. He's not sure how he would feel about Dad being stuck with them in this sex-driven city, aside from awkward, but he'd be lying if he said he wouldn't be glad as hell to see him. They would all drive each other insane, just like they always did, obviously. He'd still take it.
He shakes his head at his brother, not exactly arguing, not exactly agreeing. Amelia didn't dump him either. He's the one who left. It wasn't just about her husband, not really, but he's been thinking about those reasons and how many of them are still relevant. Or that should be. ]
I know. She... just wants things to go back to normal now, I guess.
[ He makes a slightly unsteady grab for the bottle of whiskey, focusing harder than necessary to pour more into his glass. He can feel Dean's eyes on him, but he's not returning the look. ]
That's one way to put it.
[ It's a well past 'like' at this point, and Sam knows it. ]
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But now? Now this is more complicated. ]
Yeah? You talked to her about it already? Cause Emma, she gets a say in this, too. Normal's not gonna happen here, not for any of us. [ It isn't that he doesn't get wanting a piece of what was, but Duplicity isn't known for offering that to its citizens. ] You get all caught up in that head of yours, makin' decisions for her, you're just goin' to miss out on somethin' she still might want to give.
[ Dean doesn't even mean sex. He's not the lustful idiot he once played. There's a lot more to a loving relationship than what happens between the sheets. ]
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Of course it's not like these tendencies are news to him. He knows how easily his little brother gets caught up in overthinking everything. And in thinking that he knows better than everyone else. But that's not what he's doing this time. ]
It's not like that. She knows I'm here for her, she knows and I told her that, but she doesn't want me getting all clingy. That's why I'm here and not over there with her.
[ He gestures toward Dean with the hand holding his glass, barely avoiding spilling it. ]
And before you say anything, I'm fine. She wants space, I get it.
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[ It's a humorless laugh. They don't even really pretend to believe the word anymore. When one of them uses that specific phrase, it's actually code for 'I'm shitty, but what are you going to do?' They had faced a lot of situations in which words couldn't sooth the wounds so can anyone really blame them for wanting to keep things inside?
It sucks. Sam losing Emma. He knows it likely seems like everyone Sam loves either leaves or gets taken from him. Hell, maybe it's the curse of the hunter.
Dean takes another drink himself. ]
I guess I don't really know her. When she's here, you two are pretty much connected like you're tryin' to be some kind of gross blob thing. But yeah, it's probably a bitch for her, too. I think you're right. She just needs time. But you're already decidin' you're the loser. Dude, you're a Winchester.
[ Grinning, he wiggles his eyebrows playfully and takes another drink. ]
We're catches.
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Dean pulls him from those thoughts and it finally occurs to him, very belatedly, that this is exactly what that looks like. And yeah, he would have to admit that he's probably guilty of thinking too much about how this could end up changing things for them, but it's not like that.
Even if it would be pretty damn amusing to hear Dean build him up like he's a 'catch.' ]
Really, man? Since when?
[ He's shaking his head as he sinks back against the couch, but at least it got a smile out of him for a second. ]
Things have been pretty good lately, aside this guy showing up, anyway. She seems happy. Maybe I shouldn't be trying to rock the boat.
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[ It's a quick change from calling him a catch, but Dean can't get too sappy on him. There's some kind of rule in the sibling's playbook. ]
And turn off your device before you end up drunk dialin' her and embarrassin' both of us. [ Dean would get some second-hand embarrassment. ] You're too drink to be tryin' anything tonight. Might as well make the hangover worth it and try again when you're not dancin' with Dr. Whiskey.
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[ Not what, about her? It is, just not like Dean's implying. He knows she'll work herself out, and there's no reason to feel like she's shutting him out in the process. She wants a distraction, he has distractions of his own, he's not judging. His personal dilemma hasn't really changed at all. The only thing that's different now is that he has unplanned time to stew on it.
It's hard to give up the urge to argue, but whether or not he could steer it around to what's really bugging him, it wouldn't help. Dean couldn't possibly have any easy answers for him, so what's the point in giving him more things to worry about?
He snorts over the drunk dialing comment, taking another drink of his whiskey and pulling said device out of his pocket. ]
I'm not calling her right now. [ But he's defiantly refusing to turn it off anyway, rolling his eyes at Dean as he flicks through a few of the most recent notifications. ] Maybe I should call somebody who's not gonna just lecture me on how I think too much.
[ Honestly he likes having Dean's company, but that won't stop him from being contrary. Where would they be without pointless drunk arguments? ]
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[ Dean's eyes flickered toward the phone, assuring he wasn't actually calling Emma. Sam might be confident in the drunk version of himself, but Dean wasn't. Drunk people were often honest, too honest, and said thinks that their sober selves often regretted. By keeping an eye on Sam, Dean was doing him a favor. ]
You hungry?
[ When Dean fails to see him actually dialing any particular number, he pushes himself off the couch and heads for the kitchen. ]
I'm starvin'. Grilled cheese?
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In the meantime it's not as if he's going anywhere, and texting seems like a fantastic way to pass the time, though whether or not it'll pull him out of his sullen mood is another question.
Food sounds even better. ]
Yeah, sure.
[ He knows he shouldn't, but he pours himself another glass of whiskey anyway. He doesn't plan on sobering up too soon. ]
I don't need a babysitter. [ He calls back toward the kitchen rather than trying to push himself up from the couch. ] If you've got plans, don't let me ruin 'em.
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[ A joke as he pulls out the ingredients for the simple meal. This really is more of a hangover dish, but Dean needs something to distract Sam.
Turning the stove on to heat, he looks back toward the living room, if only to keep talking while he idly does the tasks that require less concentration. ]
'Course I got plans. I always got plans. But I can change 'em. A good drink, a hot grilled cheese, that's a plan, too.
[ It should feel familiar, cooking a quick bite of food while Sam sits in another room. As children, it was easy dishes, but he offered something better here and there as adults. But it doesn't feel the same. Normally, Sam isn't as drunk. ]
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If I'm gettin' a babysitter, I'm going over to her place.
[ Dean's probably noticed that Sam doesn't invite people over for anything other than platonic terms, aside from Emma. It does help cut down on the awkward situations they run into here, but he's gotten a lot less awkward about it in general. If Dean wants to bring someone in while he's here, he doesn't care. It's a big apartment, and the walls are notably not at all thin.
He's gotten used to a lot of things he never thought he would have to deal with. ]
You don't do plans. I do plans.
[ Except when he gets impulsive. ]
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[ Dean doesn't plan as much as Sam in their fighting life - there are a few he's been proud of - but when it comes to relationships, he can make plans for the next day, just like the rest of them. ]
This part of your plan? Eatin' grilled cheese and hopin' your head's not gonna explode in the mornin'? It will. The hangover is gonna suck.
[ And Sam knows. Boyscout he can be, Sam has had run ins with alcohol before.
The sound of something frying wafts through the apartment as he finally adds the sandwich to the pan. ]
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[ Said in deeply condescending tones, as if it's an incredibly immature assumption to make. Around here it really isn't. Sex is rarely the last implication on anyone's mind. Right now it's nothing but an annoyance that Sam doesn't want to be reminded of. If the city wasn't so hellbent on making it such a constant - and central - thing he wouldn't be dealing with half as many problems as he currently has. ]
I know it is.
[ He's resigned to the hangover. He'll chug as much water as he can stand before he finally passes out, but nothing would stop the inevitable. He'll probably wish he could die in the morning, but of course he'd never be granted anything so easily. ]
But I'm hungry.
[ One grilled cheese definitely won't do it. If that's all Dean's planning on, he'll just ransack the kitchen for more things to eat that don't require cooking. ]
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[ But he does spend time with girls that don't involve sex. He and Raven went swimming once. He taught her how to swim. She was nearly naked and he was still a good boy. So, he pats his own back. ]
Food's not done and you're already complainin'? It's not like we really stock up in here. [ Maybe they should buy more groceries. He'd found a certain pride in it when they'd first arrived at the bunker, but there's not a lot of pride to be found in Duplicity. ]
I'll make you more than one, but don't blame me if you lose all of it tonight. And you're cleanin' it up.
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[ He almost regrets admitting it the moment the words leave his mouth, even if it's not meant as an irritable barb aimed at his brother. In the contrary, it's a bitter sentiment that's equally applicable to both of them, and one that is at least a significant part of why Sam's gotten so deep into the whiskey this evening. He doesn't want to drag Dean into depression right along with him.
It was one thing back when Dean had Lisa and Ben, and maybe even that wouldn't have lasted had it been given a real chance. Sam would like to think that it is, but in what life are they ever going to stay out of hunting for good? But here they have been. They haven't had a single reason to break out Dad's old journal except for nostalgia, and if it's proven anything to him it's that he really can't go back to the kind of life he wanted when he was a kid.
Sure, this place is fucked up, but in as many ways as it's chaos, there are more days when he's working nine to five, and it feels eerily like the short stint he had in tech support thanks to Zacariah. ]
I'm not gonna get sick.
[ Not today anyway. But he's aware that any hangover symptoms will be all his to deal with. ]
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[ Which could be good or bad, depending on your view. Once, Dean hoped it never would. During another part of his life, he wished it would. Now? He doesn't know. Probably, he's accepted this as his life and works to find pleasure in it.
Not in this city. This city has to go down. ]
Oh, Dude, you're gonna be so sick, and you're all in charge of cleanin' it up so enjoy tonight. Mornin's a bitch.
[ The smell of butter and cooking cheese soon flows from the kitchen to contaminate the living room. ]